Unlimited and Infinite: Perfect Timing

This quote reminds me of Nipsey Hussle’s song
“Perfect Timing”
– the inspiration behind the title of this posting –

Hi everyone !

I haven’t dropped any words here in months but I’m back. There have been a million and one things that have come to pass since my last entry on 4th May 2020. I’ll go into a detailed delve another time. For now, I’m moved to remind any soul reading this (and writing this) that grace is the only way to make it through the remainder of this year alive. Yes, grace.

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grace/ɡrās/ _{(according to Merriam-Webster + Google)}

(1) the free and unmerited favor of God, _{[as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings]}

(2) unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification

(3) disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency _{[mercy/leniency]}

(4) a temporary exemption: reprieve _{[to give relief]}

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Whichever definition resonates with you, I encourage you to apply it. Apply it to wherever you are right now on your journey. 2020 has been a doozy, a whirlwind, an unprecedented social experiment testing our spiritual, physical and emotional health. Yet if you’re anything like me, you still find yourself complaining that you’re not doing enough. Checking and rechecking your to-do list wondering when the he** am I going to get all of this done?! Crushing your own dreams under the weight of your critical voice as if it’s the only way.

Think about this: imagine inheriting $100,000 dollars (free $$ 🤑) but refusing to use it to enhance your life because you didn’t “work” for it. That example is how we end up looking when we’re hard on ourselves (and others). Many of us prefer to struggle through our hardships, kicking ourselves while we’re down, just to say we “worked” for our victory. Spiritually speaking, God has already blessed us with unlimited grace and mercy. Honor Him by accepting the gift that He has already given to improve the quality of your life. Put an end to the self-directed negativity by making the choice to exercise the gift of God’s grace.

Caught Up in the Rapture ✨

💚

I recently stumbled upon an opportunity to explore love anew. Stumbled being the strategic word choice because believe it or not the way things happened seemed totally random & spontaneous. Although I’ve prayed diligently to meet someone, I was so completely blind-sided by this opportunity that I almost dismissed it.

Allowing my heart to lead me, I’ve taken more risks in 10 days with this complete stranger than any of my exes.  Odd. Perplexing. Dumbfounded. Yet accepting.

As though my requests to Heaven have been answered, my beau’s spirit is familiar. He is radiant, genuine & chivalrous. The light he emits covers me, making my skin warm to touch. I’m drawn into his energy-field like an unsuspecting fly into a spider’s web.

Enveloped in love.

But how could I feel like this in such a “short” timespan? Frankly, time is irrelevant here. In fact, it has been suspended. For the heart does not know time; it only knows honesty and gravitational pull.

The Marathon

Truth is there is a culture that is intricately embedded into the fibres of NYC. This culture promotes working oneself to death in order to “secure” semblances of power, ownership and visibility.

It is easy to be ‘suaded and jaded by this gravitational influence because most human beings in this city (in the world) want to “make it.”

Though the experience of “making it” is highly subjective, people of all walks come to this city specifically because every literal corner in New York City is alive with opportunity that ANYONE can access.

Things Not My Own

I am at home again.

Back in my skin for the first time in a long time.

For many months – dare say years – I’ve been enslaved by many things not my own.

History has a name.

For me, Barbados serves as a well-spring of vibrant inspiration, mental renewal, soulful purification and familial connection. Having maternal and paternal ties to this small island in the Lesser Antilles gives me amazing superpowers that I am immediately able to tap into as soon as the aircraft touches the tarmac. It’s as though a switch of humility and immense gratitude activates and all is right again.

Each return to my motherland refreshes my vision and clarifies all doubt. The stories my aunts and grandmother share of my great-grand parents and extended family reminds me that my ancestors were risk taking, no-nonsense folk who loved, persisted and prevailed in new and foreign lands. My ancestors watered and grew community and family from a mustard seed of faith and chance.

A Vow

Browne’s Beach c 2013

I told myself that no matter what – no matter how I feel (or don’t feel) – I must commit to blogging while back in Barbados so here I am.

For those of you who don’t know – or a refresher for those who do – Barbados is and  always be home. 99.9% of my identity that has been carefully sculpted in my short twenty-eight years of life is largely owed to my Bajan (Barbadian for the proper folks) heritage, lineage & culture.

Before Rihanna and the trend of traveling to this CARICOM nation, my parents –  particularly my mother – believed it to be imperative for my brother and I to know, respect and appreciate our roots. She was so proud of her 166.0 sq mi island that she got my brother and I naturalised as Barbadian citizens (thank you mommy). Growing up, everyone knew Jamaica, some knew Trinidad and a mere 1% (I can’t prove this lol) knew of Barbados.

You Are Your Own Responsibility

SELFISH is the new SELF CARE.

via IG stories @illuminaticongo

Self Appraisal.

Never cease to see the value in yourself before you place that responsibility on another.

Practice this,

and find that there is always someone (genuine, patient and kind) in proximity to remind you of you.

 

// A reminder.

Photo via  Instagram: @findingpaola

Daddy Issues (A Series)

My father was my first lesson in compassion. Learning to accept the apology that my father could not and would not provide was not only the greatest challenge of my young adult life, but also my greatest lesson in forgiveness.

I low-key hated my dad. And it wasn’t because of what he did but actually due to how I felt about his actions (more to discuss on this later because there is a difference).

My father – like the rest of us – is a flawed being wrapped in flesh and bone; thereby, making him highly capable of making shitty decisions and so he did. He made a decision so risky (and arguably shitty) that it landed him 8.5 years of federal time. This decision that he made obviously affected his family but in nuanced ways that most people can not or choose not to comprehend.

The Lesson in Eating Your Vegetables

Working on a Sunday afternoon at a local cafe with my best friend. Vegetables were already eaten before this photo was taken.  =)